Creep
by NariNari
Summary: But I'm a creep...Josh has found the one thing that can make him feel like he's nothing but a creep. J/D. Songfic.


**A/N:** I don't own Drake & Josh or _Creep_ by Radiohead.

**OI!!!**: First Drake & Josh fic. It's a slash and a songfic. I always start with songfics...Warning: I tried to keep them IC as much as possible, angst, and WAFF/sap.

**Creep**

_When you were here before,_

_Couldn't look you in the eye_

Josh leaned his head back on the wall in the toilet, his breathing harsh and his eyes stinging. The music from outside in the club thumped through the wall and into Josh's head, replaying the scene that had just happened over and over in his mind.

He was standing there, backstage, watching Drake work the crowd, flirting unabashedly with anyone within a ten metre radius. He had brought a girl on stage and starting singing to her, a slower song, letting his hand caress her cheek and suddenly he'd looked up. Josh had frozen; he stood there looking at Drake like he was...like he was betrayed. Drake's face has twisted into confusion; Josh tore his eyes away and bolted, locking himself in the nearest empty stall. He knew it would be a very long time before he could ever look Drake in the eyes again.

_You're just like an angel,_

_Your skin makes me cry_

Josh stood over Drake's bed, gazing upon his sleeping form in the moonlight.

He had been right; he hadn't looked at Drake in three days. He went to school early, came home late from work and always went to sleep before Drake came home. But now, now he missed Drake. He missed being able to look brazenly at Drake and his smiling face with his laughing eyes.

And he missed catching those little glimpses of the alabaster skin just above Drake's way-too-tight jeans, when his shirt road up or he was reaching for something.

Josh let his eyes wander up to Drake's sleeping face; God, did he look beautiful in this light! Slowly, Josh reached out and let his fingers glide along Drake's smooth cheek. Now, Josh had touched Drake's face many, many times before, but never like this, never just to touch. It felt like silk beneath his fingers, cool and smooth. Drake twitched, and Josh jumped back, scrambling to get back into his own bed. For some reason, Josh found himself crying himself to sleep that night.

_You float like a feather_

_In a beautiful world_

Drake had made it onto a local music channel, an interview and a song, kind of like TRL. Josh didn't go with him; he stayed home and decided to watch on TV, which is what Josh was watching now.

But, somehow how he wished he hadn't. Drake was just too charismatic; your eyes couldn't help but be drawn to him. It was like Drake was higher than all the rest, like he was born to be revered, and Josh was just another worshiper. They way he looked when he played, he looked like he was singing solely to Josh, but that was the way it seemed for everyone.

Disgusted, Josh shut of the TV, just as Drake began his interview.

_I wish I was special_

_You're so fuckin' special_

Josh decided to take up photography, if for any other reason, to get away from Drake. He soon discovered he wasn't half bad, and his art teacher decided to enter a few of his photos into a competition. Josh didn't expect much of it.

_But I'm a creep_

_I'm a weirdo_

When he told his parents that one of his photos was going to a state competition after winning first place in the district, Drake had been in the room. His parents had acted as they should, proud and congratulatory, but Drake and simply looked at him funny. He could feel it in that stare, it said for Josh to give up, that he'd never be as creative or cool or anything as Drake.

Josh quickly thanked his parents and ran upstairs, just as Drake was about to say something.

_What the hell am I doin' here?_

_I don't belong here_

Drake asked him if he wanted to go to a club that night and for some reason, Josh had nodded his consent. Drake drove, the radio up so loud they couldn't have spoken even if they had had anything to say. Drake got them in, the bouncer not even checking their I.D.'s. Josh ended up paying for their drinks and soon Drake was out on the floor, grinding against some girl like she had El Dorado hidden in her arse. Josh nursed his drink awkwardly, wondering for the umpteenth time why he'd come.

It was either on Josh's tenth or fifteenth drink (he couldn't quite recall) that he watched Drake and El Doraho leave an alcove, her hair messed up and giggling like a school girl. Josh knocked his drink back and began swaying towards the door; he didn't belong here.

_I don't care if it hurts,_

_I wanna have control_

It hurt. It hurt to watch Drake, just like it hurt when Josh stubbed his pinkie toe. Pain shot through him, then dulled but it still throbbed for days.

So Josh decided not to watch Drake. And the only way to do that was to avoid Drake, at all costs. So, Josh worked longer hours, took on more school work, studied as long as he could at the library, and most importantly he took more pictures. He shot anything he found interesting, a girl crying on a bench, a lone tree in a highway, a deserted park, anything that caught his fancy. He even took up night photography and began shooting a series of prostitutes, not that they knew.

Josh wouldn't allow Drake to thrust into his life; he would allow Drake in when he was ready for it. But, Josh found it hurt even more not to see Drake at all.

_I want a perfect body_

_I want a perfect soul_

His feet hit the pavement with a loud _thump, thump, thump_, his hair flew behind him, caught in the wind. Josh had taken up running to let out his frustrations and secretly, because he still didn't think he was good enough.

He was tired of waking up and wishing he were someone else, wishing his life was different. So he was going to perfect himself. He decided that if he were ever going to have any chance with Drake he would need to be perfect. And then when new semester came around Josh signed up for Creative Writing. He thought maybe if he could get his thoughts on paper, they'd go away.

_I want you to notice_

_When I'm not around_

His parents were concerned. They were holding a family meeting. He told them not to worry, but they wanted to know why Josh was never home anymore. When he pointed out that Drake was never home they answered that they expected that. Drake responded with an indignant 'Hey!' but they told him to hush.

They wanted to help Josh get through whatever it was he was going through. He spared a glance at Drake, only to find him smiling at some text he'd received. Stiffly, he told them he was just fine, stood and left.

_You're so fuckin' special_

_I wish I was special_

"You know, Mom and Dad are right, you aren't home that much anymore," Drake commented when he came up stairs, right after Josh. "You okay, man?"

Josh rolled over and put his face in his pillow before replying, "I wish I was special."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Whatever man, if you need anything, you know I'm here for you." He felt Drake's hand on his back and tensed. They hand stayed for a few moments before it was removed. "I'll see you later." The door opened and shut quietly.

_But I'm a creep_

_I'm a weirdo_

Josh wiped the same spot on the counter at least a hundred times before he felt to breath of someone else on his neck, and suddenly Crazy Steve whispering in his ear, "I think it's clean." Josh jumped and turned, just to have Crazy Steve practically pin him to the counter. "You're an odd one, you know? You've been trying not to stare at Drake since he walked in."

"I have not," Josh replied, turning back to the counter, wiping a new spot. He felt hands rest on his hips and Crazy Steve's mouth was next to his ear again.

"Have too," he rasped out, then licked the shell of Josh's ear. "I can just tell you're someone who would enjoy that." With that Crazy Steve walked away, like nothing happened.

Josh left work early.

_What the hell am I doin' here?_

_I don't belong here, ohh, ohh, _

Josh was walking down the hall at school, glad he finally had a chance to get to the loo. When he rounded the corner, however, he realised he'd made a big mistake.

This was Drake's free period and he and Karin Yu were practically having sex in the middle of the hall. He stifled a gasp and threw himself behind the corner. _What the hell is wrong with me!? _Josh yelled at himself. That's when he heard Drake's voice calling him, he must have seen him. He heard Drake tell Karin to wait a moment and the footsteps that were getting dangerously close to him.

There was no time; he had to get out of here.

_[S]He's running out the door_

_[S]He's running out_

"Josh!?" Drake called as the other ran from him and out the side door of the school. "Josh, where are you going!?"

Josh ignored him, running towards the car as fast as his feet could take him. He fumbled with the key in the door, his hands shaking uncontrollably. Drake continued to call his name as he followed him to the parking lot.

"Josh stop!" Suddenly Josh was pushed into the side of the car as Drake collided with him. "What the hell!?" the red head yelled once they both regained their footing. "Where are you going?"

Josh couldn't answer him, the memory of the scene he just witnessed kept replaying over and over like some broken film reel, he just couldn't take it anymore! Abruptly, Josh leaned forward and roughly captured Drake's lips. He pressed Drake's body against his tightly, suddenly crying, and praying that Drake couldn't tell. Drake stiffened before relaxing and kissing back. For a moment Josh thought everything was going to be okay, that maybe Drake felt the same about him, too.

And then Drake pushed off, backing away from Josh like he was a disease.

_[S]He run run run run..._

_Run...run..._

Josh opened the door to the car, and got in, tears still clouding his vision but he didn't care. They weren't so blurred that he hadn't seen Drake run away from him. He started the engine and back out, not really looking where he was going. When he got to the gates, he stared at them for a moment, before throwing the car in reverse, the tires squealing. Drake had stopped at the sound and watched horrified and Josh drove his car straight through the fence and keep going.

_Whatever makes you happy_

_Whatever you want_

Josh called his parents and told them he was sleeping at a friend's house that night, then turned his phone off. He didn't know for how long he drove but he finally found a motel off the side of the rode in the desert, probably not the best place to stay, but at this point Josh could care less.

He got out of the car and inspected the damage to the front end and was surprised that there was only a tiny scratch. Thankfully the chain holding the fence closed was pretty old, so it just snapped when he drove through it.

Josh went inside the motel and paid cash for a room. When he asked about a liquor store the woman gave him a good long look and handed him a bottle of Jack Daniels and said, "Your life isn't worth whatever it is."

He tried spluttering that he wasn't planning on killing himself, and truly the thought had never crossed his mind, but she simply threw him a sympathetic look and walked away.

Josh didn't know what was wrong with him. He'd never acted like this before. Why was everything always Drake? And as the alcohol burned through his system, Josh became increasingly more emotional, and suddenly his hand was moving across the motels memo pad.

_You're so fuckin' special_

_I wish I was special_

When Josh came home the next night, which happened to be Saturday had parents weren't home. In fact no one was home. And when they got home his mother was in hysterics, asking where he'd been, and why he'd turned his phone off and they thought he might be dead somewhere.

He calmed them down, explained that he needed some alone time, and then Drake and Megan followed in behind them. Megan bit out a remark about how he should learn to text and went up to her room. Drake refused to look at him while Audrey continued crying, now on the floor. She wanted to know what went wrong, what had happened to him, why couldn't she fix it?

Josh knelt beside her, pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered that it wasn't anything illegal, but there wasn't anything she could do. She sobbed into his shoulder and he looked up at his dad guiltily. He told him he was sorry and Walter said he understood, but not to scare them like that again.

Drake was gone.

Josh went to visit his old friend Andy that day, and handed him a piece of paper from a motel memo pad. "I want you to make a song to that," Josh told him. The boy asked what for and Josh replied, "I'm going to sing it."

Two weeks later Josh found himself watching Drake play from the side of the stage, but this time it was different, this time Josh wasn't going to hug Drake proudly when he finished. This time Josh was going on stage after him.

Drake finished his set and they took a little break for Andy's band to set up. He watched the crowd from the curtain and saw Drake make his way back to where their parents and Megan were sitting. Then the announcer was introducing Josh and his band, making some crack about being Drake's brother.

Josh stepped up the mic and kept his eyes downcast, he heard Andy start up the song, the slow chords of the guitar and then the beat where he was supposed to begin signing.

Josh opened his eyes and looked out into the crowd and sang the first lines, noticing how surprised everyone looked to see that he could sing. He expressly avoided the gaze of his family, and he knew, Drake as well.

But then he caught someone moving out of the corner of his eye, a dark head of red hair moving closer and closer to the stage and suddenly Drake was standing directly in front of the stage. Josh gathered up his remaining courage and looked directly into Drake's eyes as he wound up the song.

"_But I'm a creep,_

_I'm a weirdo_

_What the hell am I doin' here?_

_I don't belong here."_

Drake reached up and grabbed Josh's hand, almost knocking Josh from the stage. Josh squatted down till he was semi-eye level with Drake, the microphone the only thing between their faces and softly sang the last line.

"_I don't belong here._"

The audience erupted in applause just as the mic was knocked out of Josh's hand, intertwining their fingers and joining their mouths, not caring who was watching. If possible the applause only heightened as Josh awkwardly stepped off stage without breaking their passionate kiss.

Drake pulled away and wrapped his arms around Josh's neck before leaning up and whispering in his ear. "You belong right here, with me."

Josh kissed him again.


End file.
